Roots--Strong & Powerful

The release of the JIL last week has me thinking about roots.  Long, strong, tangled roots.

I never really thought of myself as that rooted of a person.  I am a former military brat and had moved eight to nine times before I entered middle school.  The moving stopped then, but I kept the same rambling instincts.  I wasn't nostalgic about my home like many of my friends who had only live in one or two houses were.  I made friends slowly, and then had a few very close friends with many more acquaintances.  When I went away to school, which was only a couple of hours away from where my parents lived, I easily transitioned into calling my dorm "home."  I flirted with the idea of joining the Peace Corps and seriously considered various out-of-state graduate schools. 

Then life happened.  My relationship with my future husband hit a point and we were serious...like how-do-we-fit-in-each-other's-lives serious, not like Felicity-stalker serious.  An awful event happened in my family that severed any intention of leaving the state.  Family first, school second.

So I moved back home and went for my MA at the urban university by my house.  The real estate market started to fall and my future husband and I bought a house.  That probably wasn't the smartest idea, but we were young, had no idea that the market would crash as bad as it has, and were tempted by these houses that we normally wouldn't be able to afford.  Let's not even talk about this house thing.

Then I started my Ph.D., got married, endured another awful family thing, reconnected with friends in the area, spent time with our families, joined sports leagues, and made new friends.   

Now I can feel these roots, which is not good for this stage in my academic life.  My husband has the best job in the world for his profession--guaranteed job security.  He also has two degrees from a top university that is within two hours of our house and wants to go back for an MBA.  His job will pay for this, so bonus!  Anyways, the other night we were trying to decide how he should approach this and how many years it would take him to complete it considering he works full-time, when we suddenly realized that I'll be on the job market in a few years and who knows where that will take us?   

Roots.  I'm an only child and Husband is the chosen one of his family.  The thought of possibly having kids in another part of the country, away from our family, both scares me and fills me with guilt.  Our families would be devastated if we left, especially if we had kids and they were away from their grandchildren. 

I've also kind of been downplaying this whole issue to my mom.  I've told her that the job market is tough, but I don't think I've really stressed the fact that chances are I will not find a job for who knows how long or the fact that I will have to look out of state for any chance of employment.  Hell, I don't think I've even been that honest with myself or my husband.   His great job does allow for transfers but only to places where I would really, really, really not want to live. 

I never thought I would live my life in the same place and I never really wanted that either.  However, now that I am facing that reality, it is hard to take in and pull back these roots.