It is that time in the semester when the emails happen...
I am having trouble turning in my assignments and I'm afraid I won't be able to pass your class.
Yes, those two things are usually connected.
I don't want to fail your class for this semester.
That is a good goal.
I have been late turning in half my assignments and essays and sometimes I don't turn in either.
Oh. That's not good.
I need some extra time to do what you assign me in class and at home. I have one other class I am worried about and I am afraid of failing too, I can't handle both classes at the same time with the fact that our assignments are due the next day.
You are aware that you have a syllabus with all of our assignments and due dates? You can plan ahead if you know you are going to be busy. Also, I have to say that while I do give homework every night, those little grammar assignments? Yeah, they take like 15 minutes. I don't know why you are failing your other class, but it sounds like you just don't know how to plan your time. It is almost the end of the semester and you have just now realized that you have this problem?
The hardest part for me is to do well in your class because I know I am good at English and what I don't know is why I am failing.
Actually, I think you just told me why you're failing.
PLEASE HELP ME FROM MAKING THESE MISTAKES I DON'T WANT TO FAIL YOUR CLASS.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHAT IS UP WITH THE YELLING? WHEN WILL PEOPLE LEARN THAT ALL CAPS EQUATES TO YELLING? ::cough:: Sorry about that, let me take it down to an inside voice.
Oh, student who sends me such a ridiculous email late on a Sunday night before class so close to the end of the semester. Oh, student whose email is riddled with misspellings and weird mistakes. What does one do with you? I'll send you back one of my most teacherly emails ever, ask questions, point out that I have already tried to be helpful and lenient, and remind you of the drop date. Oh hey, and here you are in class today? Decided not to take my advice? Okay, let's keep hoping for that miracle and please don't retake this class with me when you continue not to turn in your work.
*****
PART TWO
There is a section I teach where I get to show this image:
My students, who really tend to be quite conservative, are always disgusted. I'll ask questions about artistic merit, intention, and censorship. This year was no different on the questions I ask, but was different on an answer I received.
Remember Pat? Pat is older than the rest of the class by a good 25-30 years, so s/he took a leadership role when the Beatles image was shown: "Let me tell you about the Beatles...it's like...how can I explain this? Okay, it's like you have to understand...they had evil spirits running through their bodies that would make them do these demonic things. The meat and baby doll bodies-it's because of bodily sin. All those artists had the evil spirits."
Evil Spir-...demonic....meat...evil spirits? I...what?
That was a new response, to say the least. I was a little impressed at Pat's connection between meat and a bodily existence, but I was a bit taken back and basically ended up ignoring that whole explanation. My experience has not yet taught me what to do when people bring "evil spirits" into the classroom, and my instincts are usually a little too blunt to be relied on all the time.
**********
PART THREE
I was walking into class when Student X stopped me in the hallway.
"Hey Mrs. EA, I just wanted to apologize for not being in class the other day, I had an HIV test."
"Oh!" It slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it, and I felt my eyebrows jump high on my face.
"It was negative," Student X continued reassuringly.
"Well, that's good." Again, it just slipped out. What does one say to this kind of thing?
"Yep, just wanted to let you know."
Thanks.
Oh, good Christ was that funny.
ReplyDeleteYour emails are, well, typical, but hilarious - as are your 'responses.'
Evil spirits inhabiting the Beatles? That's a first for me. Sounds like you handled it well. I'm so sharing that one around the water cooler, though.
And skipping class for an HIV test is probably a good call! I'm not sure how I'd have reacted. Likely just how you did...
I too am an adjunct English teacher. My students had an annotated bibliography due last week. On several, there's no indication they have even cracked a book to look at how it sort of should look like. When I gave one girl (who has failed all three essays so far) her paper back, she told me I was unfair and mean. I expected her to learn all this stuff and she didn't understand it. I asked her if she had looked at her handbook at all. She informed me that she didn't buy a handbook because she didn't think it was important.
ReplyDelete'Nuff said.
The Beatles response is scary. Unless Evil Spirits is another name for lsd?
ReplyDeleteThank you thank you for sharing, EA!
ReplyDelete1. such emails (yep, gotten those, written on a Sunday night, most likely under the influence of something).
2. the evil spirits? (gotta say I haven't gotten that one yet: I usually get the whole puritan responses tho, like Undine: http://notofgeneralinterest.blogspot.com/2010/03/unleash-inner-puritan.html)
3. HIV test: now that's funny. Haven't gotten that one yet, either.
Yes, I really wasn't expecting anything about evil spirits. I think the rest of the class was taken back too-a normally talkative class turned speachless.
ReplyDelete..."The evil spirits?" Where do you teach, inside a Pentecostal commune? Sheesh!
ReplyDeleteIt's not often that I hear things that make me grateful for the students I had. I sincerely hope you don't have to deal with Pat after this semester! I wouldn't have known what the hell to say to Pat, either.